Jewish Wedding Customs I: Proposal and Betrothal

Jews have a deep respect for marriage that is rare in modern times, and this is inseparable from their faith. In traditional Jewish society, when a young man and woman reached marrying age, most marriages were arranged by the father, rather than being the result of a love match. The Bible is full of such examples. In the Old Testament, when Abraham was looking for a wife for his son Isaac, he sent his oldest servant to his homeland to find a wife for Isaac. However, there were also cases where a young man saw a woman he liked and asked his father to propose on his behalf.

When a family chose a young woman, they would prepare to go to her home to make a proposal. A key part of the proposal was discussing the bride-price. If the father and son believed the woman to be a virtuous woman, the bride-price they offered could be very high. In ancient times, value was measured in fields or cattle. If a father and son, when proposing, said, “I will give a bride-price of 50 cattle to win this woman,” you can imagine how highly the woman’s value was regarded. In the same way, our Heavenly Father says that we were bought with a high price, because to win His bride, Christ paid a price of immeasurable and unparalleled value—He gave us His life.

After the proposal, they would set the date for the betrothal. On the day of the betrothal, the father and son would bring the bride-price to the woman’s home. Typically, at dinner, there would be a cup on the table. Throughout the entire betrothal feast, no one except the man’s father could touch this cup. According to custom, at the end of the feast, the man would produce a wedding contract. This was a formal document that was legally binding once signed, stating the bride-price and the groom’s promises. After they exchanged the contracts, the father would ask his son, “Son, are you willing to establish this covenant? Are you willing to sign this contract? Are you willing to enter into this covenant?” When the son said, “I am willing,” he would take the cup from his father’s hand and drink from it, representing his full commitment to the covenant. After the man drank, he would offer the same cup to the woman. She also had to say, “I am willing,” and drink from it for the covenant to become fully valid. At this point, the bride and groom were considered married. The betrothal could only be dissolved through a legal process. This was followed by a waiting period before the consummation of the marriage, much like the period Joseph and Mary experienced.

When the man left after the betrothal ceremony, he would give the woman a gift, called matan in Hebrew (Charismata in Greek). Unlike the bride-price given to the woman’s family, this gift expressed the man’s love for her. During the long separation and waiting period of the betrothal, the Charismata served as a reminder of the groom’s love for his bride and a promise that he would return. This sounds familiar, as Charismata is also the Greek word for the Holy Spirit. In the Book of Ephesians, it says, “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit” (Ephesians 1:13). So, after Jesus made a covenant with us, He gave us the Holy Spirit as a seal—a gift He gave to us to remind and comfort us that He will return.

References

The Chinese Union Version of the Bible; A Comprehensive Biblical Interpretation

Perry Stone, “Unlocking the Jewish Wedding”

“Zhu Nei Xin Xun” (In-Lord Information), “Jewish Weddings Are So Beautiful”

Pastor Nicole Ji Si, “The Bride in the End Times: An Eight-Part Series on the Bride’s Journey from the Jewish Wedding”

“Christian Daily,” “Why Does the Bible Often Use a Wedding as a Metaphor? Understand Jewish Weddings to Experience Jesus’s Love More Deeply!”